Why I Became Addicted To Alcohol
And how it sneakily progresses
Alcohol made me terribly sick the first time I ever drank it!
I blacked out, did crazy shit, and threw up for twelve consecutive hours the next day.
It was the best night of my life…
It was the first night I tasted freedom!
Freedom from my thoughts and feelings.
Ever since I can remember I suffered from as many cognitive distortions as they have names for.
My mind has always been my biggest bully and barrier to peace.
So that first night when I got drunk on alcohol and all those negative thoughts and feelings disappeared completely, I felt such peace and freedom
A freedom I’ve chased for decades…
It wasn’t all bad in the beginning, and it was nowhere close to where it was at the end.
It was lot’s of parties, fun shenanigans, and normal partying on the weekends.
It stayed that way until a few years into university.
Then, with the freedom of being of legal age, and the university party scene, I started drinking and partying on the weeknights too.
It stayed like this for a few years, slowly progressing but it still seemed normal and fun to me.
Then I got into other substances and was staying out until the mornings.
Witnessing sketchy blue (morning) when you’re epically messed up multiple times a week makes you realize you may have some sort of a problem.
But it was university and it’s what everyone did on TV and in my community so whatever, I continued.
When university ended, I postponed it as long as possible and took a few extra years. Everyone grew up and went on to start their lives.
I didn’t…
So I found people like me.
Not bad people, people who just liked to drink and do other stuff, trying to drown their problems with a bottle like myself.
Some died, some got help, some are still doing the same old shit, but that’s life.
I first went to rehab right before COVID-19 for sixty days inpatient. That was my first attempt at help and when I started attempting to recover and take it seriously.
I’ve written about my relapses and struggles of trying to get sober in this article here! Have a read!
But after many years of struggling, I am now working on all my trauma and fixing the underlying reasons I drank in the first place.
I’m seeing progress but it’s tough, I’ve written about it extensively on here before, it’s pretty much all I write about.
But that’s all I have to say for now, I just wanted to provide some insight into why I became addicted to alcohol specifically and how it progressed through the years.
Much love,
Patrick
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