Mental Health Relapses Happen

Two steps forward, one step back!

Unfortunately, recovery isn’t linear. That goes for anything, but it holds especially true for illnesses of the mind.

I find it extremely hard when things start to slip in a backwards direction. I start worrying that I’m going to get super depressed and relapse on alcohol, or I’ll get mad at myself for feeling bad. It just makes everything ten times worse.

Right now it feels as if my mind is at war with itself, I’m in the middle of a mental health relapse from hell.

All my plans have gone out the window and I’ve entered into what I call survival mode, which means get through the day without alcohol, everything else goes out the window.

I know that recovery regarding mental health is a marathon, not a sprint and that mental health relapses are just a detour, they are part of the journey.

However, it sucks so bad and it feels like I’m dying from the inside out.

I’m at my worst when everything is going well.

On the outside things look good, everything is going well, it seems like I’m doing great.

My dad even told me you seemed so happy the other day how come you’re like this today?

I got overly upset and said, “No, I’m never okay, most of the time I’m just capable of hiding it for the benefit of others.”

I feel bad for snapping so I did apologize and we moved on but it’s true.

For the last month, I’ve been falling apart on the inside and just doing my best to cover it up on the outside.

And now I’m paying the price, depression is in full-blown attack mode and I can barely even write.

So like most others on Substack, I’m going to write one well-written Newsletter and send it out every Wednesday.

I’ll also send out sporadic articles throughout the week but they are optional. I need to take some pressure off of myself because I’m cracking.

So I know I’ll get through this, I’ll be okay again, I’ll probably even feel okay tonight, who knows? But the fact is I will feel better at some point.

So I just need to get through this without turning to alcohol, which I can do.

Thanks for all the kind words throughout the week regarding my job interview and stuff, it meant the world to me.

Have a lovely weekend,

Much love - Patrick